The reactions that one has are their choice.  We need to respect the choices that others make when reacting to situations. This is the building block of community. This gets painfully difficult, especially when we see others that are hurting with the choices they’ve made. It becomes even more difficult to not take a stance of pride when we see people we care about making decisions that are obviously hurting them (“…running to the devil just to feel an embrace…“).

Over the last 2 weeks, I’ve heard about, actually watched, and been on the sidelines for a total of 3 different divorces. One is final. One is on the teetering edge of destruction. One has a glimmer of hope. I am finding it hard to act in a proactive way , holding my integrity, while respecting the way others have responded. I admit to my pride, and I’m sorry.

The most sickening part about it is that my perception of the attitude is that the individuals don’t actually care. As I see it, it isn’t a big deal to them. It’s a bad day of work. I see the pain of staying the same being so great where the individuals see the pain of staying the same being so little…so they stay the same. Our enemy seems to have an upper hand here, and I am asking for you to pray for our God to show his Kingship over these situations.

What is compelling about this idea is that we are free to begin leading and to make choices based on what we see as the best options. As Christ is the giver of all things, he has also given us the non-tangibles, like desire, want, and an ability to chose.

We are asked to exercise these gifts just as we would anything else. Meaning, sometimes, He asks us to do things by asking us to follow our own wants. Our own desires. The beauty of His grace is that he isn’t at the end of the road saying “well, you’re here but you did it all wrong.” In fact, He promises that as we exercise these gifts, He will be there to multiply and make fruit from our exercise. He will bless our efforts. As we continue to exercise, we continue to align our hearts with his.

My continuous challenge to face, and one I’m asking and begging you to partake in as well, is to ditch the “I am waiting for God to tell me what to do” phrase. To begin to take action based on the prayerful desires of our hearts and lean into what He says about these ideas. To believe that when we ask “What should I do” and he responds with “I want you to do what you want to do” is a serious answer. That this, in and of itself, is an answer.

One of the ways I will lean into answer in that way is by focusing more of my time on a combination of some of the work I’ve been doing over the last few years. I am looking for prayer regarding this idea, and what He might do with the desires of my heart, and the work of my family and friends. The 2 second, blog post synopsis on the idea is that we’re looking to leverage a combination of technologies to create a network of individuals willing to serve one another on a day to day basis. This framework will facilitate a method for individuals to ask for help, and a mechanism for folks willing to help to respond.

I want to see my God leverage the power of His community. I want to see my God show how He is powerful through the power of His people. I want to see how I can be a part of this grand showing.

Most boats, when going very fast, barely create a wake at all. They have already planed the water and are skipping along the top. When boats travel slower, their weight sinks into the water a bit and although still move through the water, do so creating a larger wake. There is a sweet spot to create a large wake, a combination of weight and speed of the boat.

I am sitting in a hotel room, it’s 1:35am, and I can’t sleep as I fight off the transition from pacific time to central time. We are moving back to Wisconsin  after 5 months in California. Although it’s been very easy to see God’s hand in what has happened in the last 5 months, I am trying to hear what He’s teaching me. I am trying to bend my ear His way.

California slowed us down. Slowed me down. I was trying so hard to go so fast that I wasn’t listening to Him saying “going fast isn’t always the best way. And I didn’t ask you to go fast.”  He gave me the option to sit back and feel the freedom of putting on the brakes and watch him continue to take care of us.

I have a natural tendency to slam on the gas. I am looking forward to 2012 as the year of keeping on the brakes, of trying to find the sweet spot. What are you looking forward to?

A lot of very good theologians and folks who study the Bible talk about the relationship of it all. The relationship with Christ that is the freedom, and the grace, and the love that fills the hole we can’t seem to fill elsewhere. The expectation that the relationship is the same for all people is ludicrous.

I have some really good friends. Lots of them have families and I get to be a part of that family, even though I’m not a part of that genetic family. This is great because not only do I get to take joy in my “other” families, but I get to know my friend better, too. I get to see these specific sides of him. How is my friend a father and what does that say about him specifically? About our relationship?

As an aspect of my parade, I view the Potter in a very similar light. I hope to interface with the other people in His family, genetic or otherwise. I want to learn how God is father to them, if only because that tells me more how Christ is a friend to me.

In a recent discussion I had, we were discussing where judgement fits into the Church. I was explaining how I see it, that all shades of grey look equally ugly next to His perfect white and that I find it almost impossible to call on someone’s sin in a loving manor. This came with much pushback, as others quoted Paul saying it is our responsibility to judge others (the context applied in this case). With tears, this person spoke of how much it hurt because he had casted out his friend, and can no longer be friends with that person. He felt God was telling him he could no longer be friends with this person, who meant a lot to him.

I found myself not wanting to learn this aspect of this person’s relationship with God, or simply refusing to believe that was the way Christ would have handled the situation. I simply do not believe, or want to believe, that pure love includes the pain, and hurt, that comes from losing a friendship. I feel like God is asking me to start pushing at my own beliefs and see what holds up.

A new topic/school of thought is the ability, skill, and absolute necessity for everyone to lead as best as they see fit. To define their own parade, the ways they would emulate Him, and to take things the step further as they understand it.

There are some details in here that are important, but it’s important to note there is a strain, a need, to have a community that one can depend on to create and develop a better understanding of their own parade. People you can depend on to help as you scream, cry, hurt, or rejoice, love, and flourish in your own understanding of Him, and the ways he’s asking you to move forward. A place to ask “can you help me figure this out” without being hurt while out on that limb.

In integrated communities, where individuals have multiple parades going, or multiple views of the same God, it becomes increasingly difficult. Not because “they’re wrong” and “you’re right” but because our own understandings, our own stories, are fueled by an equal passion that may sometimes be passion in very different directions.

The risk of leadership isn’t in telling other people they’re wrong and having to defend your stance, it’s the epitome of being passionate about your own relationship with God, and leading in that way in the idea that others will also resonate on the same beating heart beat.

I am angry at the other parades, not because I feel they are leading or deceiving, but because I feel so passionate about my parade, that I can’t see any other reason to go a different route. Why consider following Him in a legalistic way when the way I am familiar with feels so much more freeing and life giving? It’s difficult to consider that others my feel equally passionate, and that God may also work through their parades regardless of how complacent I see them.

The best I can do is define my parade as clearly as possible, and hope that you’d join me. I would ask if you’d join me, but haven’t spent as much time clearly and consistently defining my parade. I will do that in the next coming posts. Please, post your own parade as you see. I hope you see me as one to trust while you go out on that limb. I see you as that, as well. And I need you.

Song 1:

“Give me Jesus,

Give me Jesus,

You can have, all these things

Just give me Jesus”

I think nothing of it, start to write. Then Song 2:

“Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that you’re my God”

I write some, reread it, make some edits, etc. Then Song 3:

“Holy, Holy, Holy Is the lord God almighty

who was and is, and is to come

with all creation I sing praise to the king of kings

You are my everything, and I will adore you”

Again, go back to what I’d been writing, full of anger, complaining, and general pouting.

Then song 4:

“Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee

Take my moments and my days, let them flow with ceaseless praise”

Song 5:

“I need you Jesus, to come to my rescue. Where else can i go

There’s no other name by which I am saved. Capture me with Grace

I will follow you”

So now I have deleted everything I had written, am going to sit down and listen, and find out what He’s trying to tell me. Seems like He’s up to something. Maybe it’s not about me. Maybe…

1) Financial problems: A few weeks ago, we needed to find a place to live as our temporary housing was about to run out. We had moved to California with a fair amount (in our eyes) of money in a savings account. Here’s to Dave Ramsey. After starting the leasing process, we began to feel uncomfortable with the management at the new apartment complex. When we asked some questions, we were threatened, demeaned, and talked down to. We decided that wasn’t the best place to live, so we paid the money to get out of the lease. Good bye savings.

2) Workplace stress: I recently took a new job, which moved us here to Santa Clara, CA. Part of this transition was an attitude of “he’ll figure it out” with respect to how to do the actual job. Previously, I was able to work in a very steady rhythm, where I’d be up to work at 7:30, home by 4, nothing more. New job requires a bit more “stretching” of the standard 9-5. It was also difficult to work from home as it would almost turn our apartment into a trap. Still haven’t quite figured it out.

3) Personal relationships: Just about all of them have changed. We are growing at this crazy rapid pace (it’s amazing what moving will do to a marriage). Lots of learning, but we’re figuring it out. Our entire network of loving, caring, friends is still in Wisconsin. That’s tough, as in tough as nails. My brother moved to Raleigh, which is cool because it’s close to my sister and bro-in-law so family vacations together are easier, but hard because he’s not as close to me anymore. Turns out, I still look up to him.

4) Health: Mine is OK, but my Dad just had open heart surgery to fix a hole in his heart. He’s 58. No big deal. Before the surgery, he sent me a letter that I would receive after the surgery in case things didn’t go well. Turns out, I’m still wickedly dependent on my father.

So to sum it up, it seems as though 2 weeks of not posting what I’m seeing God do in our lives here in California says He hasn’t done much. When you tally it up,  I think the amount of pressure and stress we’ve been under is a testament in and of itself that He’s at work considering we are still stable, alive, kicking, and have some life in us. We’ve met some new folks, Orchard Community Church, who are of like mind and seemingly similar beating heart. We’re looking forward to seeing Him work more.

Past tense. You already have it. I already have it.

I’ve been waiting for friends, waiting for the spark, waiting for something. I have  more than a friend, she’s in the living room.  I have a friends, they’re just a few thousand miles away and a few that are just a few miles away. I have resources in the gifts, talents, skills, and passion He’s given me.

The problem, and this is where I’ve misinterpreted patience, is that I’m lazy. If I truly believe that He’s given me everything I need to do what He’s asked me to do, then I’d better start working at what I know how to do (scheduling my time, reading my bible, attending community events), and watch Him work through it all.

I am looking to change focus, change gears, a little bit of this string of blogs to a more positive light. It hasn’t been negative, perse, but has definitely focused on shortcomings and the lessons I’m learning, which typically have a negative connotation. I am looking to keep a record of what He’s done specific to what we’ve been praying for. If you’d like to participate, you can do so here, which is community driven content to help bring multiple perspectives to any given Sunday’s sermon.

And go to this.

The greatest gift given to any single community is the people. Yes, money is given. Yes, things (resources, clothing, food, etc) is given. But all of these pale in comparison to the individuals that He has brought to your community at any given time.

This has some implications.

This implies that model of “speak on money, and people will give” method is broken. This implies that Churches need not speak on the financial aspect of worship. Although I strongly believe this is a part of worship, the people are worth more than the money and God has given you everything you need to get the job he’s asking you to do…already. You have the money to do what He’s asking. Lean into that trust.

This also implies that we, as leaders, need to treat our people differently. The non-church attending community seems to be screaming silently that they’re not attending because they feel treated like a cog in the wheel. They are not a person, they are a thing. God has brought very specific people into your life and as leaders, it is our responsibility to listen closely to the people around us. This is where God is speaking. Lean into that ear.

I am angry. I am frustrated. I am seeking. I am wound up. These emotions are from what I see around me. I feel like Paul screaming at Peter but am torn because voicing my grievances makes me more divisive and not more inclusive.

I am lonely. I am disappointed. I am impatient. I am drowning. These emotions are from what I see inside of me. I feel like I’ve left an umbrella of protection, my home and community, and the “real” world is killing me. . My heart is hurting and I feel my chin dropping.

Jeremiah 29:11. Life boat.